


Fresh Meat

by TeamGwenee



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: And possibly also a cannibal, Crack, F/M, Funny, Jaime is in a Prison Cell, Modern AU, Tywin is a shipper
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-01
Updated: 2018-04-01
Packaged: 2019-04-16 14:59:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14167413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeamGwenee/pseuds/TeamGwenee
Summary: Jaime is in a prison cell, much to Tywin's chagrin.





	Fresh Meat

“Jaime,you are a grown man, a Lannister and my son. You are neither a child nor Tyrion. And considering you are not falling down drunk, you are not Cersei either. Such childish behaviour is beneath you,

“Sorry Father,”

“You are my heir, set to one day inherit my entire empire. You should be an example to society and behave in a manner befitting the future CEO of Lannister Industries,”

“Yes Father,”

“Not to mention we have the press constantly breathing down our necks, what with Tyrion's well-known debauchery and Cersei's endless scandals. In such circumstances you should be ensuring your behaviour is above reproach,”

“Yes Father,”

“Instead I discover that you have been behaving with less dignity than a intoxicated baboon,”

“Sorry Father,”

“Now please explain to me how is it that I have been summoned to a police station in the middle of the night to pay your bail, after hearing you got caught brawling in a pub like a common drunkard?”

“I had to do it Father, you have to understand!”

“Don't be ridiculous. What could possibly cause you to diminish out family name like that?”

“Your _legacy_ , for one,”

“How so?”

“Well how do you expect me and Brienne to make babies and give you heirs if the likes of Connington and Hunt are there getting away with distracting her from me and making her feel like crap?”

“What?”

“It turns out that Hunt and Connington and a band of their cronies; the ones in IT support, have been placing bets on who can bed her first. I found out from Dickon Tarly and naturally I went to find Brienne immediately, only to find her on a date with that Hyle maggot. So obviouslyI beat him and his friends to a pulp. What was I expected to do? Surely you would not have your future good daughter's name besmirched like that?”

“No. No I would not. But you still should have behaved with more composure,”

“Composure! How can you tell me to behave with composure when I discover an entire gaggle of them bad-mouthing Brienne and saying the most vile things? They're lucky I didn't have Bronn run them over with a limo,”

“Perhaps. But we are Lannisters. We do not heed the words of sheep, nor do we wrestle with them in a pub. We wait until all backs are turned and then have butchered, before eating them for dinner with mint sauce,”

“And drink their blood from their skulls?”

“Exactly. But you do not need to concern yourself with that. Once I get you out of here, you may focus on wooing Miss Tarth. I will deal with Hyle Hunt and his ilk,”

“Alright Father, although you are not actually going to eat them, are you Father?”

“Of course not...though you might want to avoid buying pork from the local butchers anytime soon,”

“....!”

“It's perhaps best you stay out of my wine stores as well,”

 


End file.
